Gone.

My dad died this weekend. My grandmother called me Sunday night to let me know. Dad had been.. not ill, but unhealthy. He had a heart problem, a few hearts attacks in his life. Mostly
minor, one major that almost killed him before.

Due to lack of contact from Dad ( he called Grandma every day ) she had my uncle go over to check on him. He was dead in his bed. Part of me is glad that he was in his bed when it occurred. I am not sure if I could of handled him being dead in the hall, unable to get to the phone or to contact anyone. The best I can hope is that he was asleep and went without knowing it.

I haven't seen him in years, close to seven or eight. I moved to Georgia to live my own life with the person I currently plan to marry. I kept putting off visiting him, citing cost and time. Dad asked me several times to get a webcam so he could chat with me on that. I never did. I was thinking about it this weekend when I was out. The joke's on me, he was already dead when I was looking at them.

I feel horrible for not calling him, not visiting him, and not doing the simple thing of getting a webcam to talk to him. It was pure laziness. I took for granted that he'd be there.

Before, and around Christmas I bought dad some DVDs that he really wanted, old shows he enjoyed. I hope he got a chance to watch them, and that they brought some joy into his last weeks of life.

The funeral is going to be this week, my fiance' and I are going to fly down. I am going to check about a bereavement rate, just as I did for mom. Luckily I am in a much more stable financial position now then I was then.

Keep me in your prayers please, I need the strength.

Feelings