Aftermath.

It's a few days after my dad's funeral. My fiance and I flew up to New York to it. Not really sure what to do or say about it, or anything in general.

Dad went down hill near the end there, his place was a wreck and the family there claimed never to know what was going on. "His place was a wreck, we didn't want to go in" they said. In other words, they knew it was a wreck, but didn't do anything.

I am not blaming anyone, I just wish I was closer to his place so I was more aware of what was going on.

I love you dad, and I am glad I told you that before you left us. I miss you.

Gone.

My dad died this weekend. My grandmother called me Sunday night to let me know. Dad had been.. not ill, but unhealthy. He had a heart problem, a few hearts attacks in his life. Mostly
minor, one major that almost killed him before.

Due to lack of contact from Dad ( he called Grandma every day ) she had my uncle go over to check on him. He was dead in his bed. Part of me is glad that he was in his bed when it occurred. I am not sure if I could of handled him being dead in the hall, unable to get to the phone or to contact anyone. The best I can hope is that he was asleep and went without knowing it.

I haven't seen him in years, close to seven or eight. I moved to Georgia to live my own life with the person I currently plan to marry. I kept putting off visiting him, citing cost and time. Dad asked me several times to get a webcam so he could chat with me on that. I never did. I was thinking about it this weekend when I was out. The joke's on me, he was already dead when I was looking at them.

I feel horrible for not calling him, not visiting him, and not doing the simple thing of getting a webcam to talk to him. It was pure laziness. I took for granted that he'd be there.

Before, and around Christmas I bought dad some DVDs that he really wanted, old shows he enjoyed. I hope he got a chance to watch them, and that they brought some joy into his last weeks of life.

The funeral is going to be this week, my fiance' and I are going to fly down. I am going to check about a bereavement rate, just as I did for mom. Luckily I am in a much more stable financial position now then I was then.

Keep me in your prayers please, I need the strength.

Feelings

Driving.

Today was a turning point, or sorts. I drove to work while alone in the car. Yup, the lovely girlfriend/fiancé was not present and I was alone behind the wheel. Nothing really special occurred; it was just the first time I’ve really driven while alone. I didn’t have someone to ask little questions to like ‘Am I supposed to stop here?’ ‘Can I turn on this light?’ etc.

The good news is that I made it to work safely, and hopefully home tonight. The bad news is that I hate night driving, and need to drive home tonight alone. Wish me luck!

Time.

Time passes.

Time crawls.

It’s been months since I last posted on this ( my ) blog. Why? Time, mainly. Not that I haven’t had time to post. It’s more like my time was taken up by other things. Or more exactly, one thing. World of Warcraft. I’ve discontinued my account, set all my affairs in order so to speak so nothing will be lost and put all my characters into hibernation. Yes, I have stepped back from this addiction to hopefully start living a bit better and exercising
more.

I am still playing some until the end of the month, but I am not longer spending hours at a time on it, nor am I raiding or doing anything with my friends. What I am doing is just messing around to kill some time between cleaning, reading, and sleeping.

This change has come at a good time because my promotion is going to kick in during the first week in March and with it comes a new schedule, a morning schedule opposed to a closing one. I am usually getting up at 9am to be at work by 10am. Now I’ll need to be up at 7am to be to work by 8am. It means more money, obviously, with very little more work.

Since I finally got my license, it makes the next step of my job easier. The new amount of work comes in the form of advertising. I need to drive around to local businesses and hand out flyers, free month tickets, etc. I am using my girlfriend’s car, now that I am on her insurance.

I actually did well on my driver’s test, just did small little things to end up with an 84 score. Parked a bit close to the curb on parallel parking, but did a near perfect backing into a parking spot. Sped slightly coming down a hill because I didn’t ride the brake coming down and it naturally went faster.

That’s it for now, just wanted to put down some thoughts before my time got away.

Splelunking. ( Real Life )

So.

I had a colonoscopy. It wasn't as bad as people say it is.

I have no idea what type of pain killers or drugs that they used, but man, they sure worked.

I've been having bowel issues off and on and thought I better get one done, just to see how the ole' tract is doing. I set up the appointment for Tuesday 7am. Their instructions was to drink about two weeks worth of powdered stool softener within two hours and day before and to take some laxatives. We've all had the runs, where you go to the restroom, sit down and proceed to feel like someone is pulling your organs out through your anus.

This was not like that at all. I took the pills, took the powder. Later, I feel the need to have a movement and I go. It was like passing silk. No sweats, no pain, nothing but a smooth sensation. This proceeded for the next several hours every half an hour or so until I had nothing left. Never once did I feel ill or at all weakened, sickened, or stressed. It was a good experience.

So, remember how I said that my appointment was on Tuesday? Yeah they told me not to eat anything at all on Monday. So I did not eat anything from about midnight Sunday to Tuesday morning. About 36 hours worth of nothing but water, powerade and laxatives. I was ravenous hungry that I had my fiancee buy a jug of chicken broth and ate it all. ( It was one of the few foods I could have ).

So I go into the Doctor Tuesday morning, get signed in and I wait watching some Olympic footage. They take me back, I get naked ( woohoo ) and put on one of those robes. They stow my stuff in a bag under my bed. Take blood, etc, a few minutes later they wheel me into the room and talk to me. The nurse tells me she is going to give me something for the pain. It's current 7:10.

I blink and look at the clock.

It says 9:20. It took literally less than five seconds for whatever she gave me to knock me out. They talked to me, took out my IV, and my girl drove us home after we stopped by McDonalds to fill my empty stomach. Mmmmmmmmm, early in the morning burgers. I called them back a couple days ago and they told me what was wrong with me.

Nothing: Everything was clear, your next scheduled colonoscopy is in 2018. Have a good day.

Supreme Cleave. ( Real Life.. kinda? )

So I went to Walmart to try to find Enemy Territory: Quake Wars to play some FPS with my old room mate Josh. They don't have it, big surprise, since this Walmart is in the middle of BFE (B_eyond F_reaking E_gypt ) and while new, is kind of worthless for anything besides food.

Anyways. So there I am, browsing the gaming section when I see Neverwinter Nights 2 on clearance. I played and lost many brain cells and man hours to the original playing online capture the flag on a private very well done server. So I buy it for $20. That's pretty much all I have done for the last few days is break it in, while some of the AI and things are annoying it's a MILLION times better in the story mode than the original was. I'd easily replay it ( only part I hate is in Neverwinter [ the town ] ).

I am going to get my Fighter / Frenzied Berserker up two levels tonight so he can get Supreme Cleave which is going to be sweet. :O

Even Emotes Play Guitar Hero ( Real Life, WoW )

( Real Life )

So I found this GiF while puttering about the internet. How awesome is this? I really never got into Guitar Hero, I could never get the fingering down. I've had that same problem in other areas as well, heh.

Not much to tell in the course of my life since my last post, besides that time flies. It's been over a month since my last entry, which doesn't feel that way in the slightest.

I'll be getting a promotion in December, when we open a new location and the Assistant Manager at my location goes to a different location to maage, I'll step up to his space. Comes with almost no more work, but a larger paycheck. All it will do is change my schedule from Wednesday - Sunday to Monday - Friday. Oh no, you mean I need to take every weekend off?! OH MY GOD, NOOOOO.

The biggest caveat for the job is that I need to get my license. I had a nervous breakdown when I was in my late teens, when I was taking drivers ed, etc, and got driven ( pardon the pun ) away from driving. When I try to drive I get panic attacks, but I need to suck it up and get my license now to get this promotion. How have I made it to 28 without one you ask? All my previous jobs had VERY good public transportation when I lived in Virginia. Georgia is pretty.. bleh. The people around here are assholes for the most part, there's pollution everywhere, and if I see another black ass crack because some want to be thug can't pull his pants up over his ass I am going to pull them up FOR HIM.

Some good things have been happening in the way of my relationship. I won't go into details, but I love you baby bear, and I am glad to be with you.

( WoW )

Well, we've made it to Illidan in Black Temple. On our first night on him, we got him to 21%. We came back a week later and sucked for a few hours, could not get him past 60%. Why? Lots of sloppy play. Almost every Eyes of the Betrayer killed one of the tanks, causing a wipe. People being in the wrong place in phase 3, causing a wipe. We are going back in there this week, and we were trying to speed run through it to give us all Sunday ( 4 hours ) to work on him. Of course, the server crashes when we have Bloodboil, Mother Shaz, Council and Illidan left. So we're going in Sunday to clean up and made a special bonus raid for Monday to finish off Illidan. He will be dead this week.

Nothing Important. ( Real Life, WoW )

( Real Life )

Just another day in the life of a serial killer.

Kidding.

It's not just another day.

Passing time at work, trying to keep busy, but I am basically here alone so most of the work I need to do I cannot do because it involves me leaving the office, which I cannot.

My girlfriend said that we need to talk, and that she is not happy and that it may result in her leaving me. When I gave her the time/option to talk she was busy playing WoW to talk to me. We haven't talked since but she has been acting happier lately so things may have resolve itself, but I doubt it. I wish I knew where we stand. I'll have to ask here tonight when we go to bed.

The people at work are getting annoying. Most of the days I am at work alone due to various reasons, and that prevents me from doing much that requires me to leave the office. Then they harass me for being on the internet a lot. I'm sorry, what is exactly you expect me to do for eight hours when I cannot leave the office? Stare at the blank screen of a computer?

The caterpillar is only there because it amused me, and I need amusement lately. I got up the other morning and our cockspaniel had ransacked the garbage in the living room and I beat her ass for it. I am getting so frustrated. The dog refuses to eat its own food, stares at me when I eat, she is constantly scrounging for food but won't eat her own. All of it is my fault because I give her food now and then, but in the house I grew up we had dogs that ate their food and people food. Zelda, the cocker, refuses to eat hers now.

( WoW )

So we're 7/9 in Black Temple now, we took down RoS [ Sad, Glad, and Mad ] and Mother Shaz. RoS is easily on farm now, taking as little as two attempts to get her/him/it down. I am one of the two kickers, and I seriously suggest people get the addon Deaden Blocker for kicking. It does exactly what it says it does. It prevents you, the rogue/kicker/counter from seeing the caster bar for "Deaden". What this means is when it's your turn to kick, all you need to do is kick the casting bar without worrying if its the right one.

Mother Shaz is a shadow resist gear check, and the mats are obtained from doing Black Temple and Hyjal. It comes off as a "you must have raided this much to beat this boss" effect. All in all, she is simple with the gear, impossible ( or close to ) without it. It took us four attempts. Easy Tier 6 shoulders. Not for me. Fuck you druids.

This Sunday is primarily dedicated to the Illidari Council which is our current progression and stop cap. Let's see how we do.

Time Flies. ( Real Life )

I can't believe it's been a month since I have posted anything. That's what happens when your life is the same cycle day in, day out. I cannot believe I have been at my current job for about eight months now, it does not feel "anywhere" near that long.

My dad is getting a personal defibrillator put in his chest in a few days. It's a relatively small surgical endeavor, it requires tiny incisions and hooking some wires to his heart. Basically, if his heart starts to be at an odd pattern it shocks it back into a steady beat. It's the little brother of the pace maker.

My girlfriend is severely addicted to WoW now, to the point where she stays up literally all night, coming to bed at 7am sometimes, just playing. She is on a RP server, and I love/trust her, but my jealous nature sometimes makes me wonder if things are being done which I would not like to know about. I doubt it, but I've got a jealous/distrustful side to me. I wonder if she felt this way when I was up all night in the past?

Mom's birthday is coming up soon, or rather, it would if she had not passed away years ago. I don't like to think about it, even now it brings me to tears to remember back then.

My mom had MS for about 8-10 years before she passed. For a while my family was separated, it was my two sisters and myself staying in an apartment. For legal reasons we could not live with Dad, thank you Jessica. I'd come home from school now and then to find mom on the floor paralyzed from her MS, and after that I started skipping school to take care of her. Several months after that I was sent to a boy's home for skipping school. Funny, I do something to prevent my mom from getting severely hurt while alone and I get penalized by the state, the same state that made us move out from Dad's house where mom was safe.

She went downhill over the years, from walking normally to needing Canadian canes ( forearm crutches, braced at the wrist not armpit ) to being wheel chair able to being bed ridden. She died when I wasn't there, I spent years at home until I was 20 because I felt like the moment I moved out mom was die. Three months after I moved out of state to work my new job, she died.

It's been years, I forget how many, six or seven, and I miss her all the same. Her life sucked, she was in a foster home, was adopted, her family members commit suicide and then she was diagnosed with MS. All I can hope is that she was happier than I think she was.

I love you mom, and I miss you.

Hypocrisy, and Agony. ( Real Life, WoW )

( Real Life )
So, it's 5pm and I am at work. Why am I at work alone? Well, the asssistant manager is scheduled to leave at 5pm so he left, leaving me with the manager. The manager who has extra hours this week due to some meetings ( the same meetings I am going to have on Friday ) decides to leave early. He apologized to me. I told him not to worry about it, and don't be suprised when I leave early on Saturday.

Well THAT pissed him off, and he went on a rant about how I am scheduled until 7, and just because "he" leaves early on a day of the week does not mean "I" can leave early on a day in that same week. This from the person who gets pissy when I groan when he asks me to go clean up a mess that was made. After I've been at work for a week straight and he just got off a two week vacation, he has the balls to ask me to do extra work above and beyond? God damn sometimes I want to beat the hell out of him.

( WoW )
So, I got a new dagger for my rogue last night. Boundless Agony. It's pretty nice even without its stats, and it cost me about a weeks worth of DKP which a LOT cheaper than using arena points or Badges of Justice to buy one. I already tossed a mongoose enchant on it, and I get to try it out tonight on Archimonde. Hoping for the tier 6 helm tonight, but I have a lot of competition and we've been having trouble killing old Archimonde lately. Out of four nights dedicated to him, we've gotten him two of those four nights, depends on our class make up. Here's hoping.

Lady luck be kind.