Aftermath.

It's a few days after my dad's funeral. My fiance and I flew up to New York to it. Not really sure what to do or say about it, or anything in general.

Dad went down hill near the end there, his place was a wreck and the family there claimed never to know what was going on. "His place was a wreck, we didn't want to go in" they said. In other words, they knew it was a wreck, but didn't do anything.

I am not blaming anyone, I just wish I was closer to his place so I was more aware of what was going on.

I love you dad, and I am glad I told you that before you left us. I miss you.

Gone.

My dad died this weekend. My grandmother called me Sunday night to let me know. Dad had been.. not ill, but unhealthy. He had a heart problem, a few hearts attacks in his life. Mostly
minor, one major that almost killed him before.

Due to lack of contact from Dad ( he called Grandma every day ) she had my uncle go over to check on him. He was dead in his bed. Part of me is glad that he was in his bed when it occurred. I am not sure if I could of handled him being dead in the hall, unable to get to the phone or to contact anyone. The best I can hope is that he was asleep and went without knowing it.

I haven't seen him in years, close to seven or eight. I moved to Georgia to live my own life with the person I currently plan to marry. I kept putting off visiting him, citing cost and time. Dad asked me several times to get a webcam so he could chat with me on that. I never did. I was thinking about it this weekend when I was out. The joke's on me, he was already dead when I was looking at them.

I feel horrible for not calling him, not visiting him, and not doing the simple thing of getting a webcam to talk to him. It was pure laziness. I took for granted that he'd be there.

Before, and around Christmas I bought dad some DVDs that he really wanted, old shows he enjoyed. I hope he got a chance to watch them, and that they brought some joy into his last weeks of life.

The funeral is going to be this week, my fiance' and I are going to fly down. I am going to check about a bereavement rate, just as I did for mom. Luckily I am in a much more stable financial position now then I was then.

Keep me in your prayers please, I need the strength.

Feelings